Finding an audience is hard
I feel weird, I feel like a weird person. It could be argued that I act weird, but in my head most of my actions are justified. I also feel like I'm doing my best. But I still don't get any attention when I'm on my own. In the back of my mind I feel like I'm a third wheel in interactions, like a background character. I just want to feel valuable on my own as a person, so that other people would genuinely be interested in me. So far I feel like people just keep me around because they feel bad for me.
An audience only watches you if they feel you have something valuable to offer. It could be personality, fun, knowledge or wisdom or anything else. It's quite hard to find a community of interest that will accept you based solely on your merit, because you might not even know you have any merit.
I might just be overthinking this, and maybe audience comes from just being yourself and being involved in your own life, but I obviously have no idea.